Worst Jokes Ever
I once had clothes that were so unbearably uncomfortable,
but I never realized they suited me.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Woman!"
How do you annoy Pinocchio?
Ask him, "Do you always tell lies?"
The eyelash and the lipstick got into a fight. Soon they will make up.
Some of the best comedians mimic people. I mimic my shadow.
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?"
The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."
Play dead, they said.
Wasn't too hard.
I've been dead inside for years.
What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on ahead, I'll just hang around.
Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...
It's a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.
Why did Grampa pass out? Because of diabetes.
Chuck Norris' dick is so big that it has its own dick. And his dick's dick is still bigger than Bruce Lee.
You know when people say a joke about living?
That's because we are all living a joke.
Me: My grandpa killed 100 nazis in WWII.
My Friend: Well my grandpa killed Hitler.
Me: *Realizes*
What’s the difference between a puppy and a fork?
I don’t microwave forks.
A pancake and an egg walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”
Uma Thurman's optometrist must have wide glasses sometimes.
How do s’mores communicate?
On Insta-graham.
With the sentence "Die in hell," you can buy shoes in Germany.