Worst Jokes Ever

If you get a divorce with your husband, does that still mean you’re siblings?

Why did the pillow go to court?

Because it had a pillowcase!

What’s the difference between a barcode and Rachel Sutherland’s wrist?

Nothing, they both get scanned for a fresh new pack of razor blades.

Why do orphans play GTA?

Because they need to know what it’s like to be wanted.

Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂

Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.

Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.

I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

I have had an obsession with soap. Don’t worry, I am all clean now!

Why did Rolf Harris meet underage kids?

To tie his kangaroo down, sport!

When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?

A couple and their friends were riding their tricycle, and one wheel fell off. They discussed what to do, and finally the friend said, "Why don't you just use me?" The boyfriend said, "Why did I not think of using the third wheel?"

Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?

It had excellent mussel memory.

I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.

Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...

It's a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.

Why did Grampa pass out? Because of diabetes.

Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack.

Confucius say, man who go through turn table is going to Bangkok.

I once had clothes that were so unbearably uncomfortable,

but I never realized they suited me.

Yo mama is like train tracks; she gets laid all around the country.

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

He drove too far away from the power point/modem.

What did the dirt say to the embers?

You look smoking hot.

Roses are red, violets are not, everyone at Grant High School is probably a thot.