Worst Jokes Ever
Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.
Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.
Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.
"Wanna hear a construction joke?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Wait, I'm still working on it!"
Yo mama so fat, when she plays Undertale, Omega Flowey's mouth isn't big enough to eat her!
What do you call a bunch of Aboriginals rolling down a hill?
Abo-lanche.
What do you call a goat?
A goat.
I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents told me the sky was the limit.
So, two cats, one English (named "One Two Three Cat") and one French (named "Un Deux Trois Cat"), are walking through a forest and come across a river. To have a little fun, they decide to have a race across the river.
One Two Three Cat swam across, and when he finished the race, he looked behind him. "Un Deux Trois Cat" was nowhere to be seen. So "One Two Three Cat" figured that "Un Deux Trois Cat" sank.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on his period?
Mario Kart.
Statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile. But not me, I live next to a 10-year-old boy with a fat ass.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one liners?
Because he can't do standup.
"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.
"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."
"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.
Grandma pointed to the campfire.
What's the best thing about beating up orphans?
They can't tell their parents.
Papyrus: You are so lazy, Sans!
Sans: Call me what you want. I got THICK SKIN!
Papyrus: Another bad joke and I'm finished with him!!
Frisk: HAHAHA
Papyrus: We are monsters. The awfulest kind!
Sans: To mess with us takes a lot of SPINE!!!
My friend asked me to round up here 37 sheep.
I said “40.”
What was Morgan Freeman called before the Civil War?
Morgan.
For pedophiles, watching teen porn must be like watching mature porn.
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.
An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.
The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
Q: Why did Sally survive the car accident?
A: She hit an ambulance.
The other day a man with some cheese and milk attacked me... how dairy!