Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

I was born and raised in Newcastle.

My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.

What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?

I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.

I just wish I went on a date with Ariana Grande, and then everybody knew I fucked Ariana Grande.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

At least one of them gets picked.

Does an orphanage have daddy issues?

Yes, because he didn't come back from getting the milk.

10 years ago my dad said I should eat cereal with water until he comes back with the milk... I still eat cereal with water, sadly.

Foxy the fox was a careless fox. She didn't care about her friend Froggy.

Froggy was a careful frog. One day, Froggy decided to teach the fox a lesson.

Foxy was in her bed sleeping when Froggy made her room an entire mess. She got up, and then her mother berated her for not cleaning her room. From now on, she is a careful fox.

I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!

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    • I was excited to watch Fast and Furious because of Dom Toretto, then I realized family is nothing to me 'cause I'm an orphan.

    They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.

    I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.