Worst Jokes Ever
Are you feeling down? Because I’d happily feel you up.
You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!
I wasn't going to tell another emo joke, but I didn't want to leave anyone hanging.
Have you been to that paraplegic strip club? It's crawling with pussy!
Why are vegetarians so good at giving head? Because they’re used to having nuts in their mouth.
When I die, I’ll die in a trash can.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.
Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
What's the difference between an orphan's parents and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.
A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"
Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"
Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?
He got caught playing with his Privates!
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
"Together we can stop this shit."
Babe, I'm breaking up with you.
Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.
What’s the difference between a leaf and an emo kid falling out of a tree? The leaf reaches the ground.
Forrest Gump: Who's your favorite Lord of the Rings character?
Lieutenant Dan: Legaless.
What's the difference between an orphan and a slice of pizza?
Nothing, I eat both of them.
Midget
Why don't churches have WiFi?
They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient.
"Give me the good news first," the patient said.
"Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live."
"That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"I've been trying to reach you for two days."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mail man.
Mailman who?
Bitch, do you want your mail?
What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo?
You can't wash your face in a buffalo.