Worst Jokes Ever
If a CEO goes blind, are they just an EO?
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.
Why is Santa's sack always full?
Because he only comes once a year.
What's the difference between Batman and a Black man???
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
Why were the Twin Towers traumatized about eating?
After someone said, "HERE COMES THE AIR PLANE(s)," it just wasn't the same..........
"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."
Q. What's the difference between a Kevlar vest and a CEO?
A. The CEO isn't bulletproof.
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They drop FIRE TRACKS.
I got LEGOs for Christmas, and my friend got her father's headstone.
This guy goes to a bar and pulls out a little guy playing the piano. The bartender asks him where he got a small man with a piano.
The guy points outside to a genie granting people wishes. The bartender runs out and 1 million ducks appear.
The bartender yells at the genie saying, “Are you fucking deaf? I asked for 1 million bucks, not 1 million bucks!”
The guy from the bar says, “No shit! You think I really asked for a 12-inch pianist?”
Why did Severus Snape cross the road wearing an invisibility cloak?
So no one would know what side he was on.
I actually want peace, not war.
That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.
Ukrainians leave without saying goodbye.
Russians say goodbye without leaving.
How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?
Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...
What's an Alzheimer's victim's favorite musical group?
The Who?
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
My wife treats me like God!
She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.
"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."
I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.
I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.
What happened to the frog that partied illegally?
He got TOAD away!