Worst Jokes Ever
What did the cow say?
Moo!
I'm actually against abortion.
Just go to the car wash and tell 'em you ate too much red pasta!
The trip from your eyebrow to your hairline costs $6000.
What movie do orphans relate to? Home Alone.
A man walks into a bar and places a 12-inch man onto the counter as well as a small piano. The 12-inch man starts playing the piano really well.
The bartender asks the man where he got the 12-inch man. The man says there is a genie two blocks around the corner.
The bartender runs to the genie and makes a wish. The bartender comes back with 1 million ducks. The bartender says to the man, "That genie is dumb! I asked for 1 million bucks."
The man says, "Do you really think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?"
Q. What do you call a prostitute who asks too many questions?
A. An intrusive thot.
What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Hi, Bud!
What starts with "E" and ends with "G"?
Everything.
Q. What's the most musical bone?
A. The trom-bone!
What did the planes say when they were smashing or passing the Twin Towers?
Smash.
(Get it?) 9/11.
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
Because they bought a pepperoni pizza, but they got plane.
Why do cow milking stools only have three legs?
Because the cow has the udder!
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
I think fat people took the Hunger Games a little too seriously.
What’s the most played song in Africa?
Have you ever seen the rain?
I was diagnosed with a terminal disease. The doctor says my days are numbered.
Now I'm terrified of airports.
Husband: "Honey, I just bought these special Olympic-style condoms!"
Wife: "Olympic-style condoms? What makes them so special?"
Husband: "They come in three colors: gold, silver, and bronze."
Wife: "Ooh, sweet. What color are you going to wear tonight?"
Husband: "Gold, of course!"
Wife: "Why don't you wear silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change."
Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.