Worst Jokes Ever
What did the cow say?
Moo!
I'm actually against abortion.
Just go to the car wash and tell 'em you ate too much red pasta!
Why can't a steam locomotive sit down?
Because it has a tender behind.
How much alcohol does JFK prefer to drink?
3 shots.
Why don't black lives matter anymore?
Because a harvester is more efficient at picking crops than slaves.
An old man is sitting on a park bench, crying his eyes out. A jogger stops, feels bad for him, and asks, "Sir, what's wrong?"
The old man sobs, "I'm 85 years old. I have a 25-year-old wife at home who is a supermodel. She cooks me gourmet meals every day, she keeps the house spotless, and we spend every night in total, passionate bliss."
The jogger looks confused. "Wait... that sounds amazing! Why are you crying?"
The old man looks up, tears streaming down his face, and wails: "I can't remember where I live!"
Husband: "Honey, I just bought these special Olympic-style condoms!"
Wife: "Olympic-style condoms? What makes them so special?"
Husband: "They come in three colors: gold, silver, and bronze."
Wife: "Ooh, sweet. What color are you going to wear tonight?"
Husband: "Gold, of course!"
Wife: "Why don't you wear silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change."
What’s the most played song in Africa?
Have you ever seen the rain?
How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?
Depends how hard they blow out the candles.
If a blonde and a brunette jump off a building, who would hit the ground first?
The brunette, because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions!
Nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
Why do nuns not wear bras?
God supports everything.
The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.
When you realize you forgot to mop your room, you hear footsteps.
My battery lasted longer than your sad, depressing life.
Why don’t you see gay orphans at a daycare?
They have no one to call "daddy."
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."
Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
What time is it when it turns 13 o'clock?
Time to get a new watch.