Worst Jokes Ever
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."
Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.
Why does a milking stool have 3 legs?
Because the cow has the udder one.
What time is it when it turns 13 o'clock?
Time to get a new watch.
Why don’t you see gay orphans at a daycare?
They have no one to call "daddy."
Why is America so bad at chess?
They lost both of their towers.
What do Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
Both fly around Uranus and wipe out Klingons!
Why don’t cows have any money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
What is a paedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?
Free delivery XD
If olive oil is made of olives, then baby oil is made of...
What do you call a fat transgender midget?
Jigglypuff.
What does one orphan say to another orphan on Opposite Day? "Do you want to go home?"
I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy, then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
Every time someone calls me fat, I get so depressed I cut myself... a piece of cake.
Are you George Floyd?
Cause you take my breath away! 😮💨
What do old people and meth heads have in common? They usually trip over their balls.
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
How are apples and orphans different?
Apples get picked.
How do you say "Brazier" in German?
Stop 'em from floppin' (German accent)