Worst Jokes Ever
There is this cute Russian girl in my class, yet she hasn't asked me out for vodka.
My eggs are just like my dad... nonegg-istent.
My mom got a clown for my birthday, but it ended up being my sister. 🤡
Why is Santa's sack always full?
Because he only comes once a year.
I actually want peace, not war.
That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.
What's an Alzheimer's victim's favorite musical group?
The Who?
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
Why were the Twin Towers traumatized about eating?
After someone said, "HERE COMES THE AIR PLANE(s)," it just wasn't the same..........
What's the difference between Batman and a Black man???
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."
Q. What's the difference between a Kevlar vest and a CEO?
A. The CEO isn't bulletproof.
My wife treats me like God!
She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.
Why doesn't Jesus participate in Battle Raps?
All his comebacks take three days.
The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.
I replied, "No. Is that still required?"
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."
This guy goes to a bar and pulls out a little guy playing the piano. The bartender asks him where he got a small man with a piano.
The guy points outside to a genie granting people wishes. The bartender runs out and 1 million ducks appear.
The bartender yells at the genie saying, “Are you fucking deaf? I asked for 1 million bucks, not 1 million bucks!”
The guy from the bar says, “No shit! You think I really asked for a 12-inch pianist?”
Why did Severus Snape cross the road wearing an invisibility cloak?
So no one would know what side he was on.
Ukrainians leave without saying goodbye.
Russians say goodbye without leaving.
Are you a blanket? Because I love it when you’re on top of me.