Worst Jokes Ever
Don’t you hate it when your teacher(s) say, “just focus, it’s that easy?”
And then you die inside.
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.
Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whisper, "Hello."
"Is your Mummy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with her?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with him?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anyone else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to the ambulancemen and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."
Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."Me!"
Roses are red, the Jews are a cult.
I've practiced Metzitzah b'peh on adults.
I had sex with a disabled girl. You can say I handiclapped those cheeks.
Gay is a mental illness.
You're not thinking straight.
The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them, "Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"
I gave the blind kid a gun and called it a hair dryer.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Because their daddy still hasn't come home with the milk.
Yo mama so big, she thought Christopher Rhoades was a tampon.
My dad died in 9/11. He was a Muslim pilot.
Why were the Twin Towers annoyed?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizzas, but all they got was plain.
Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.
Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.
Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?
Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!
Why do they call priests "father?" Because it's too suspicious to call him "daddy!"
Roses are red, violets are blue, When I see you, I play with my poo.
Say "ocean" 5 times and you say "oh shit!"
What starts with "s" and ends with "erm"? SuperM.
This means both "matrix" and "master" so take out the "u" and then you just get "master". When you think of sperm, you think of porn. If you're a master at something, you're also a star at it. So you get porn star.
Yesterday, I tickled my granddaughter's feet.
She is being born in 2 months.
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
140 calories.
What is an orphan's favorite Roblox game? Adopt Me.
What do you call a guy who has sex on the Moon?
An “Astronut”!