Worst Jokes Ever
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
A Russian walked into a bar... unlucky for him, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance party? Because he had NOBODY to dance with.
Why can’t the T-Rex clap his hands?
Because he is DEAD.
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest.
What did the ocean say when it saw the beach?
Nothing, it just waved.
Mom: You need to grow up. You're so immature.
Me: *glares* Get out of my castle....
Mom: It's a pillow fort.
Me: Why can't I have an imagination! ?
Mom: You're almost 19 years old.
Me: Not good enough... OUT!
If you're ever down one day, just go to the orphanage and bully an orphan because what is he going to do about it? He has no parents.
What do you call a zombie?
Nothing because zombies aren’t real, and if they were, you would be dead.
Q: What do you get when you drop all your potato chips in your couch somewhere?
A: A couch potato. HaHaHa
Women are like dogs...
"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"
"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"
"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."
SHOES
Oompa Loompa Doobity doo, I got a glock and it’s pointing at you.
Knock knock. Who's there? Depression. Depression who? Depression you!
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
I found a chest of gold in my garden the other day. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why I was digging in my garden.
What's the number 1 cause of pedophilia?
Sexy kids.
Somebody called the cops for a school shooting, what a snitch!
Stephen Hawking always wins musical chairs, as he’s always sitting down.
A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.
This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"
"Of course," she says.
The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"
The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"
Stephen Hawking:
Q: Who Made Stephen Hawkins' Wheel Chair?
A:) Tesla