Worst Jokes Ever

So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.

So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking in a house fire.

Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."

The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.

The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.

The third lady says, "I never had a husband."

The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."

They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.

The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."

"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"

Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house?

A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.

What does LGBTQ+ mean? Is it the premium version of GAY?

All school meeting introductions:

Grade School: “Welcome Girls and Boys!”

Middle School: “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome!”

High School: “Fingerers and fingerees.”

What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

The baby cries when I cut it, but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.

"My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say, "Knock knock." We’d say, "Who’s there?" Then she’d say, "I can’t remember"... and start to cry."

So, I know that there are a lot of egg yolks on this website, and I guess I got beat to it, but I'm eggcited to say eggsactly what the eggs say.

I know I'm bad at this, but I hope you will crack up anyway.

So, three daughters were sitting in the same room as their mother. The first daughter asked why she was named Daisy. So, the mother replies, "Because when we were taking you out of the hospital, a daisy landed on your forehead." The second daughter asked why she was named Rose. So, the mother explained, "Same as Daisy, when we were taking you out of the hospital, a rose petal landed on your forehead." The third daughter then said "ksvrjxbdkavdowbxksb," so the mother said, "Shut up, Brick!"

If the shoe fits perfectly, why did it fall off?

Why do pizzas not tell jokes?

They're too cheesy.

Why does the orange 🍊 beat the other fruits 🍎 in every race?

Because it never runs out of juice.

What is the worst part of milking a cow?

The smell of the dairy air.

How does Stephen Hawking go to the toilet? He logs out.

When you look at the sun, it's like looking at me.

Last time I got a piece of ass was when my finger went through the toilet paper.

Orphan jokes are like families, not everyone gets 'em.

(Also, I banged ya mum ;))

How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!

What do you call a dog that can do magic?

A Labracadabrador.