Worst Jokes Ever
Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?
So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.
What did the kamikaze instructor say to the students?
"Okay guys, watch very carefully because I can only show you this demonstration once."
Why does Donald Trump love little boys?
Because his hands look massive when he’s holding their tiny little cocks.
Why do prepubescent orphan girls love pedophiles? Because they get to call someone “Daddy”.
Jeffrey Dahmer and his mother are having dinner.
His mother says, “I don’t like your friends.”
Then Jeff says, “You can eat the potatoes.”
If you are what you eat,
why is Jeffrey Dahmer white?
What’s the difference between a baby and a sandwich?
You don’t have sex with a sandwich before you eat it.
My husband told me he just came into a lot of money.
Weird, he usually uses a sock.
Why was the homeless lady only wearing one sock?
She started her period.
What do you call Stephen Hawking's wife? Siri.
Paddy's beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 years they have been married.
The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex, and a cool breeze may help.
Being a bit of a cheapo, he decides not to buy a fan but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act.
After half an hour, still no sign of success, so his mate suggests swapping places. "I'll have a try, Paddy, you waft the towel."
Paddy agrees, and after two or three minutes, Paddy's wife has a moment of sexual pleasure, screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years.
Paddy taps his mate Mick on the shoulder and says, "And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel!"
Spell IHOP, now say 'ness' at the end... 😂 ...I ate your penis!
I hate stairs, they're always up to something.
Confucius say, man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Why couldn't a lifeguard save the hippie? -- Because he was too far out, man.
Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!
C'mon guys, 9/11 jokes are just plane wrong.
Why is there AC in hospitals?
To keep all the vegetables fresh.
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"
His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."
The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"
"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."
The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."
The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."
"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."
My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!