Worst Jokes Ever
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.
Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(
I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.
There are 206 bones in my body.
When I look at you, it becomes 207.
Yo mama so stupid, she studied for the COVID test.
If you drive a Lamborghini, then you have a tiny weenie.
Who's better, Hitler or Jesus?
Hitler: Jesus made bread for 1000 whereas Hitler made meat for 10,000. 😅😅😅😅 (no offense)
(To circumcised people)
Why are the Chinese bad at baseball?
Because they ate all the bats.
A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." "What do you expect?" he says, "You're in a fucking wheelchair!"
What do my parents have in common with Nemo? They can't be found.
I went to see my dentist, and she warned me it was going to hurt. Then, she told me she was having an affair with my husband. Good news though...the cleaning didn't hurt.
A suicidal boy went up to a tree and said "hi".
The tree never responded; it left him hanging.
What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants?
Michael Jackson's lipstick.
Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Seine.
Q: Why did the trans man only eat salads?
A: Because he is a "herbefore."
Don't do suicide, that shit kills.
What’s another term for a lesbian?
A vagetarian.
One man's trash is another man's treasure. That sucks when you are adopted.
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One's a crusty bus station and one's a busty crustacean.
Life as an elevator has its ups and downs.