Worst Jokes Ever
What do lesbian vampires say after sex?
"See you next month."
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.
What do you say to a pedophile at the beach?
Get out of my son!
How do u know Stephen Hawking is having a seizure?
He spills coffee on his iPad.
Why did they call off the leper hockey game?
There was a face-off in the corner.
What's black, white, and red all over?
A bi-racial car wreck.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
I was working at the bank today when an old lady came up to me and asked me to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
How did the retard win the break dancing competition?
He saw flashing lights.
A very rich and famous comedian walked into a Russian bar and asked for a vodka, but the bar man (a big fan of his) answered to him: - "This vodka isn't good enough for you." - "If it is good enough for you it is good enough for me!"
He's not dead, his batteries have run out.
My dad is like the female wage gap: nonexistent.
Q: How do you get the retard kid out of the tree?
A: Wave at him.
What's the difference between apples and dead babies?
I don't ejaculate on apples before I eat them.
What do you call a scared octopus?
A octopussy.
Q. Why is Stephen Hawking so good at air guitar?
A. Because he has excellent string theory.
I hate it when people are at my house and ask, "Do you have a bathroom?" What answer are they expecting? "No, we pee in the yard?"
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
I have schizophrenia,
And so do I.
New civil war themed porn title: “Harriet Tubman gets hit with something other than an iron ingot.”
It’s not rape if she’s a dead bear and I lost my job at the circus.