Worst Jokes Ever

How can you save a depressed person from a tree?

You cut the rope.

Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?

Her: What?

Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.

Two blondes walk into a bar. I thought one of them would have seen it.

Yo mama is so ugly, when there was a tornado, the tornado refused to suck her up.

I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...

I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5.

...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

I respect anyone who devotes their life to charity work.

But I think Paul Walker went a step too far.

what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?

I don't bowl.

How is smoking similar to oral sex?

The closer to the butt you get the stronger the flavor! 🤢

What do you call a heterosexual man giving a brojob to another heterosexual man?

gay now, heterosexual later.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dinosnore!

I'd tell ya a poop joke, but you're my favorite turd.

Guess how I got away from my mom saying I can't play Fortnite? I took my stuff and I ran to Iran.

I like my coffee the way I like jokes about my coffee, I don't.

How many astronauts can you fit into a VW Bug? 11, 4 in the seats, seven in the ashtray.

Oompa Loompa Doobity doo, I got a glock and it’s pointing at you.

When is a rapist safe around children?

When his plans are oven ready.

So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.

What do you call an army of disabled people?

Special forces.

If two vegans are arguing, is it still considered beef?