Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't scream when you put meat inside it.
What do you call a dear with no eyes?
I have no eye deer!
What’s a fun game to play during a pride parade?
Capture the flag.
What’s better than Stephen Hawking?
Stephen walking.
How is a priest like a wristwatch?
They both start at 12.
My great grandfather died in 9/11.
He was such a good pilot.
What’s the difference between chocolate and people?
You can’t buy people nowadays.
What did the deaf, dumb, blind, paraplegic, autistic baby get for Christmas? AIDs.
Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?
Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)
Q. What do they call an ISIS terrorist who owns both a camel and a goat?
A. Bisexual.
If your corona test shows two lines, is that then positive or negative?
The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.
A young couple gets banned from church.
There were three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.
After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.
Then he asks the middle-aged couple the same question, "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.
Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.
"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."
"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"
"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."
I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.
The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.
Why was the orphan so successful?
When the options were either go big or go home, he only had one option :(
Why do white people own a lot of pets?
Because they're not allowed to own people anymore.
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
What’s the difference between a Black person and snow tires?
Snow tires still work after you take the chains off.