Worst Jokes Ever
What does Santa say about my mom? HO HO HO!
Did you know there was a record for the quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds.
I'm a gay depressed person. Would that make me a happy unhappy person?
Sister: I don't want to do it, but...
Me: No more butts! Butts are too yuck to be in this sentence.
A French Sans would greet you with the "o bone-jour".
Looks like someone's funny bone's broken!
I was exploring the Dubai trophy factory when someone came crashing in. It was him, Pristiano Penaldo. He held the workers at gunpoint, forcing them to make him another plastic Mickey Mouse award or he will dive and sue them for assaulting him. Shame on you, pendu!
Stop hating on pedophiles. At least they're good babysitters.
A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.
The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.
The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.
"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.
The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."
Me: I have depression.
Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!
Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.
Titanic walks into a bar. Britannic: "What would you like to drink?" Titanic: "An iceberg."
Yo mama so fat, she is one of the boulders in Indiana Jones.
What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?
Til death do we park.
Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂
Joe mama so fat, she could not walk the stairs of heaven.
Credits: to my friend.
Last words of the mayor of Hiroshima: “What the fuck was that noise?”
Me: Are you okay?
Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out," I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.
What is the chemical formula for a banana? BaNa2
Why was the Human Torch arrested?
He had firearms.
What do you call a magic owl?
HOOdini