Worst Jokes Ever
If anyone's gonna be fuckin' my sister, it's gonna be ME!
How can you save a depressed person from a tree?
You cut the rope.
My sister said the onion is the only vegetable that can make you cry...
So I threw a carrot at her.
Your hairline goes so far back it went back to when Earth was created.
How many astronauts can you fit into a VW Bug? 11, 4 in the seats, seven in the ashtray.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
What's the similarity between pedophiles and school shooters?
They both shoot when they see kids.
My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
'Cause they are dead.
Q: What do you get when you drop all your potato chips in your couch somewhere?
A: A couch potato. HaHaHa
Women are like dogs...
"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"
"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"
"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."
SHOES
When is a rapist safe around children?
When his plans are oven ready.
Why can’t the T-Rex clap his hands?
Because he is DEAD.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
What do you call a feminist? A Karen.
Hey girl, do you like Harry Potter?
Because I want to wingardium leviosa up that skirt, alohamora those legs open, and aqua erupto inside of your leaky cauldron.
Why do dwarfs laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
I hate writing dwarf jokes, but I normally keep them short.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
How are laundry and Michael Jackson related?
They both got bleached!