Worst Jokes Ever
Me: I have depression.
Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!
Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.
I was exploring the Dubai trophy factory when someone came crashing in. It was him, Pristiano Penaldo. He held the workers at gunpoint, forcing them to make him another plastic Mickey Mouse award or he will dive and sue them for assaulting him. Shame on you, pendu!
Your forehead is so big that your face touches your chin.
Towing ropes can't be learned. They must be taut.
A French Sans would greet you with the "o bone-jour".
I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”
That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.
Shame on you Penaldo!
Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."
Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Helen Keller is the kind of person to ask you what the time is.
If I told you, you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
Top tip; if your wife asks, "What would you like to do to my body?" 'Identify it' is the wrong answer.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite song?
"Touch Me (I Want Your Body)."
I decided that I'll end it all, but when I drove off, I remembered I forgot to do the dishes.
When Little Johnny was about 3, he got curious and stuck his hand up a mannequin's pants. His mom says, "No, Little Johnny, there are teeth up there that will bite off your hand." Little Johnny thinks, "Oh no, I can't do that again."
A few years later, he was 15 and he had a girlfriend, and they were making out. She says, "Why don't you ever stick your hand up my pants?" He says, "Oh no, my mom says there are teeth that will bite off my hand up there." She says, "No, there isn't, just look!" Little Johnny looks and says, "Well, no wonder there ain't no teeth. By the way, them gums look..."
All normal-sized babies are delivered by stork.
Heavier babies are delivered by crane.
Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: "Can I have some milk?"
He waited for three hours to get an answer.
His mom finally said: "No, your dad still isn't back with it."
If I had 10 dino nuggies and Jamal tried to take one, I would have ten dino nuggies and Jamal's head.
When the doctor asks you what your zodiac sign is,
You respond: "cancer."
Doctor says: "Well, what a coincidence!"
Me- *crying in the shower*
Also me- *why is my toaster in here?*
Are your hairline and forehead old friends, because they go way back?