Worst Jokes Ever
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of ten dollar bills, so he asks the bartender if it's a jar of tips. The bartender says no, it's for a bet. So the man asks what the bet is and the bartender says, "Well, if you put ten dollars into the jar then knock out the bouncer, next you go outside and remove a rotten tooth out of the rottweiler's mouth, and last you go upstairs and give an orgasm to the fat lady who has never had one. If you can do all those things then you get everything in the jar as well as free drinks for the month." So the guy puts in ten dollars, turns to the guy next to him and knocks him out with one punch. Then the guy continues outside, all you hear for an hour is screaming and whining from the dog. When all is silent, the man walks in and asks, "So where is the fat lady with the tooth?"
What do you do if you're ever attacked by a gang of clowns?
Go for the juggler!
A Mexican magician said he would disappear on the count of three. He said, "Uno, dos," and disappeared without a tres!
What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?
Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."
What’s one good thing about child molesters? They drive slow in a school zone.
Stop saying negative shit about dark humor jokes! If it bugs you that bad, then go away! That'll solve everything but world hunger and failed abortion.
What do you call a masturbating cow?
Beef stroganoff.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They ain’t got no home to run to.
Why can’t England people play chess? They ain’t got no queen.
A collection of 911 jokes.
What kinda pizza did they order at 911?
Plane.
What was the color of 911?
Plane.
What is the fastest way to see 911?
Plane.
Have you heard of the new sequel to "The Exorcist"?
A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son.
Do you know how to make 4 Albanians stand on a shoebox?
Just tell them that it floats.
What did the priest say to the skunk?
Let us spray.
Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.
There is a man in the hospital. The power went out, and the man was stabbed to death. There are three witnesses: the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who who was at the vending machine. Who killed the man?
The mom did, because you can’t use a vending machine when the power's out!
How does Moses make his cup of tea?
He brews it.
What do you call a letter using the bathroom?
The P.
Why does it take three women with PMS to screw in a lightbulb?
IT JUST DOES!!!!
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot wheels.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
When you're sitting in class and the quiet kid yells, "Lovely day, isn't it?" ... and you see a Glock shape in his pocket.