Worst Jokes Ever
“What happens to an Asian man when he runs into a brick wall with an erection?”
“A broken nose.”
What's black and sitting in a chair? Steven Hawking after a house fire.
That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he's seen your cat.
So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.
Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."
And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"
Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.
I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!
A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.
What's brown and hurts your teeth?
A chocolate?
No. A baseball bat in my hands.
Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."
What did the penis say to the condom?
"Cover me, I'm going in!"
In heaven, the Englishman is responsible for jokes, the Italian man for food, and the German man for law and order. In hell, the Englishman is responsible for food, the Italian man for law and order, and the German man for jokes.
Why is the moon always hungry? It is almost never full.
What is the German word for constipation? Farfrompoopin.
What do lesbian vampires say after sex?
"See you next month."
So, a bear and a rabbit are in a field. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Does your poop stick to your fur?" The rabbit replied, "No." Then the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his butt.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
Why did they call off the leper hockey game?
There was a face-off in the corner.
What's black, white, and red all over?
A bi-racial car wreck.
A very rich and famous comedian walked into a Russian bar and asked for a vodka, but the bar man (a big fan of his) answered to him: - "This vodka isn't good enough for you." - "If it is good enough for you it is good enough for me!"
He's not dead, his batteries have run out.