Worst Jokes Ever

Sister: I don't want to do it, but...

Me: No more butts! Butts are too yuck to be in this sentence.

I'm a gay depressed person. Would that make me a happy unhappy person?

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Titanic walks into a bar. Britannic: "What would you like to drink?" Titanic: "An iceberg."

Yo mama so fat, she is one of the boulders in Indiana Jones.

What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?

Til death do we park.

Stop hating on pedophiles. At least they're good babysitters.

A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.

The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.

The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.

"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.

The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."

Me: I have depression.

Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!

Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.

My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.

So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"

What's the only type of abortion Republicans will never try to legislate against?

A school shooting.

I was exploring the Dubai trophy factory when someone came crashing in. It was him, Pristiano Penaldo. He held the workers at gunpoint, forcing them to make him another plastic Mickey Mouse award or he will dive and sue them for assaulting him. Shame on you, pendu!

Your forehead is so big that your face touches your chin.

Towing ropes can't be learned. They must be taut.

A French Sans would greet you with the "o bone-jour".

I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”

That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.

Shame on you Penaldo!

Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."

Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Helen Keller is the kind of person to ask you what the time is.

If I told you, you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?