Worst Jokes Ever
What is an emo's least favorite game?
Cut the rope.
You're cheap; no one even pays attention.
Dad's secretary left her position, he told me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.
Chuck Norris once stared a basilisk in the eye, and it DIED!
I like turtles.
What's worse than having an honorary degree from Harvard? Being homeless and having an honorary degree from Harvard.
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
What's the only type of abortion Republicans will never try to legislate against?
A school shooting.
What do you call a large lamp that does illicit things to young children?
A Jacko Lantern!
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are... Woah!
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
What's the difference between Wacko Jacko and Elvis Presley?
14 number 1 hits.
What is the difference between the Twin Towers and feminism? The Twin Towers were destroyed by terrorists, while feminism was created by terrorists.
My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"
I told him, "Probably a bullet."
I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"
I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend asks, "Where is your girlfriend?"
The guy replies, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week, and you'll find out!"
Wife: (on phone) Hi. Husband: Hey, I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?