Worst Jokes Ever
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
Yo mama is so fat, when she nocliped into the backrooms, she was in level 0 and level 999 at the same time.
Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night, she’s back in bed.
How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?
Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.
What makes a 360 no-scope and JFK's assassination similar?
Both were some of the greatest achievements in history to achieve.
I rate you 9 out of 10, because I'm the 1 you need.
How did Protestants perform in the 16th century? Well done.
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
Why do orphans go to church?
Because they can call someone "father."
What's the difference between me and a registered sex offender?
I am not registered.
Nobody: Aww, that's so sad!
Me: Just like me.
Why can't Asians play baseball?
Because they ate all the bats!
Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.
What do you call a non-binary person that is lactose intolerant?
Non-buy dairy.
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
What is something you can’t say in a superhero movie?
“Is it a bird, is it a plane, well whatever it is, it’s heading straight for the World Trade Center.”
You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."