Worst Jokes Ever

1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.

2. You can't count your hair.

3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out.

4. You just tried number three.

5. When you tried number 3, you realized it was possible, only you look like a dog.

6. You're smiling right now because you realized you were fooled.

7. You skipped number 5.

8. You just checked if there was a number 5.

9. This is not my joke; all credit goes to Steps.

Why can't orphans be gay?

They don't have a closet to come out of.

My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.

What a weird way to start a conversation!

I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?

Steven Hawking had dark humor.

Whenever he turned on his laugh effect, it diverted power from his screen brightness.

What is the best game for a deaf person?

Charades.

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

So I did...

I don't remember much after that.

I joined ISIS to help my self-esteem issues.

Everyone kept telling me, "You’re the bomb!"

How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?

Gingervitus.

What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?

2 slices of Brad.

I think fat people took the Hunger Games a little too seriously.

My girlfriend went to the doctor for a broken arm, and they told her it should be better in about two months. I asked her what they said. She said, "It should be better in about two months." I then asked her, "What did the dentist say?"

How do terrorists feed their children?

Here comes the airplane.

What do you call an under-the-weather seven?

A sick seven.

When the priest said, "Be gone from this boy, demon!" the demon replied, "And you get out of the boy!"

I got told I'm too mean and that I need to think before I speak. So now I take a couple minutes and think of what will REALLY piss the other person off.

What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.

What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?

A margarita hits the spot every time.

What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."

What happened to the frog that partied illegally?

He got TOAD away!