Worst Jokes Ever
bradley
Where do you find a dog with no arms or legs?
Where you left it.
What's worse than ten dead babies nailed to one tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten trees.
Why does a queen have more mobility than the king in chess?
Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.
A couple is on their first date.
Man: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
How do you know your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
What is the only warm organ in a dead woman?
My dick!
An Indian guy and an American guy in a wheelchair met in a bar for drinks.
The American guy got drunk and fell on the sidewalk.
The Indian guy got drunk and walked away.
What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
My nan must really love the quiet game, she's been playing it for ages.
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
Me: *gets down on one knee*
Girlfriend: OMG, it's finally happening!
Me: *falls over*
Girlfriend: The poison is kicking in.
Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?
I pushed the kid in a wheelchair into fire... I called him "HOT WHEELS".
Why did the orphan become a killer?
Because he knew they would not look for him.
Why is the Titanic good at baseball? Because it sinks it.
How do you know a cannibal picnic is over?
Everyone's eaten.
Sister: You're adopted.
Me: At least they wanted me, they must feel terribly bad cuz they had to keep you :(
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Little Johnny is smokin' hard, The sun looks like Mountain Dew.
Sign outside a hair salon: "We'll color your hair or dye trying."