Worst Jokes Ever
A man gets an email from his doctor.
"Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tomorrow."
The man thinks to himself, "Oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"
What's got 6 legs, 3 arms, and 3 heads?
The finish line at the Boston marathon.
Boner.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One says to the other, "I blew like 20 bucks in there!"
How did Stephen Hawking die? He lost Wi-Fi connection.
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
What has more brains than the Columbine students? The wall behind them, xD.
One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.
"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"
Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."
"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."
"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."
"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."
"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.
"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."
"Okay daddy!"
*long pause*
"Okay daddy! I did it!"
"Great job Sally! What did she say?"
"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."
Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"
Two baby seals walk into a club.
China has a population of a billion people. One billion.
That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.
After getting in the White House, D. Trump gets a letter...
...from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:
370HSSV 0773H
All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren't able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.
One of the agents suggests Trump ask for MI6's help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary:
"Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down."
What do cows eat for breakfast? -- Moosli.
I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.
The twin towers are like water bottles.
It's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess.
How is being gay like a geology class? You can lick all the rocks you want.
Q: What has two wings and a halo?
A: An Asian phone call, "Wing, Wing, Halo?"
What do you call a frozen communist?
Hammer and popsicle.
What did one fish say to the other?
Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.
Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.