Worst Jokes Ever

What is the difference between apples and orphans?

The apples get picked.

It's always fun to take anti-depressants, you either choose to take one, or the whole bottle.

when you see a depressed kid, you walk up and say "wassup my lil barcode"

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is, "Dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

You think people with glasses are smart, but they fail the eye doctor test.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor?!"

What type of pizza did the twin towers order?

Plain.

What did one orphan say to another orphan?

"Get in the batmobile, Robin!"

What's the difference between a dad and the Twin Towers? The Twin Towers went black and never came back, and the dad was black and just didn't come back.

Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.

So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.

Yo mama is so old, she is the founder of the pyramid of Egypt.

I’ve got money and suicidal thoughts, and I’m all out of money.

It was just a prank, and stop calling our humor "plane." In our opinion, it's fire.

I hope Stephen Hawking's an organ donor because I need new parts for my go-cart.

The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents, buddy."

My cousin said being gay was such a pain in the ass and I asked him why and I said, "Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, I get made fun of." and I said, "Why? Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, turd." Then I said, "Wow, at least I'm not the one with real pains in my ass, bro."

How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.

When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.

I say hi to Sans. Sans shows his hand and says, "It's hand to meet you," and we both laugh.

A scarecrow said this job isn't for everyone.

But hay! It's in my jeans!