Worst Jokes Ever
I'm not gay, but fifty dollars is fifty dollars.
I met a rock the other day. He was a very gneiss guy.
I tried writing with a dull pencil the other day, but there was no point.
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests.
The painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.
"But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" asks one of the guests.
"Lenin is in Poland," replies the painter.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Do you want to know the most racist game? Chess. You wanna know why? Because they never let black go first. I wonder why... lmao.
Why do cats leave scratches on arms? They don't; I do it myself.
Q. What does Kenny get when he hugs his mom?
A. A boner.
I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.
Me: What did one toilet say to the other?
You: What?
Me: You look flushed!
How is Stephen Hawking so smart? He uploads it to his software.
James Woods, starring in the newest movie: "September 11, two thousand fun."
What is a pirate's favorite element?
Argon.
Why was JFK stupid? He only had half a brain.
What do lesbians cook for dinner?
They don't, they just eat out.
I'll never forget my Grandad's last words... "Son, where did you get a grenade from?!"
I walked into the party and the host asked me if I would like a slice of pie.
I responded "yes," and he said: "okay, 14159."
[god creating alligators]
God: See that log?
Angel: Yes...?
God: Now fill it with teeth.
Angel: Say again?
God: FILL IT WITH TEETH!
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are up.
Where do fish keep their money?
In a riverbank!