Worst Jokes Ever
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell?
Because it’s a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.
I love it when candy canes are in mint condition.
What is a pig’s 🐷 favorite pie 🥧?
Mississippi Mud.
How is Stephen Hawking so smart? He uploads it to his software.
Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
My dad coming back.
9/11 wasn’t a terrorist attack, it was the world’s introduction to Sky Football
A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either terrible news or great news.
Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you never turn your back on family.
Dear Autocorrect, I never wanted to spell the word "bigger".
What type of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic? - Iceberg.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a carrier bag? One is plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other is a carrier bag.
Why doesn't Jesus buy beer?
Hebrews.
Where in hell is Lee Harvey Oswald now when we need him?
What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.
What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.
Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"
Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"
Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."
Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".
He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"
Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."
If Stephen Hawking was so fucking smart, why hasn't he learned to walk yet?