Worst Jokes Ever
I took my girlfriend to a Chinese restaurant. One hour after ordering, I went to ask the chef what was going on. That was until I heard barking from the kitchen.
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?
9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.
What did the titanic say as it was sinking?
I nominate all the passengers to the ice bucket challenge.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for hours.
Light the man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.
What’s an orphan's favorite drink?
Fosters.
You're so ugly, when you went to the makeup store, it shut down.
What do you say to a depressed person on the ceiling?
Hang in there!
What was one phrase Michael Jackson said to a boy in his bed? Baby, be mine.
What was Michael Jackson's answer to the parents of the little boys who were left with him when asked why does he do it that way? Tell them that it's human nature.
I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.
What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.
What do you call an emo with no legs?
Emobile.
I was in math class, and we were learning geometry. My teacher said, "PENTAGON!" then all of a sudden, PENALDO burst into the room! He thought we were talking about PENS, so he came looking for some because he's a finished pen merchant! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my education! 🤬
What do you do when you see a spaceman?
Park in it, man!
Just hire some people to be fake parents and print off an adoption paper. On April Fools', just leave them there at the orphanage! APRIL FOOLS!
Control tower to Boeing 747, you're clear to land on (said person)'s forehead.