Worst Jokes Ever
Son: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
Dad: "Yes, we arson."
How do you get an emo out of a tree?
Just cut the rope.
What is a tuba plus tuba? -- Fourba.
Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, "I want h20." The other said, "I want h20, too." The second scientist died.
Why did the sea cry?
Because it felt salty and blue.
What games would deaf people not be good at?
Simon says and Musical chairs.
Why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrrrrrrr!
Orphans only have 363 days because they don't have Mother's or Father's Day.
What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
Why don't Romans find algebra interesting?
X is always 10.
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.
What goes black, white, black, white, down a hill?
A fat nun.
What do Jesus and I have in common? Our dads left us...
What is the one thing wrong with Asian pet stores?...
There is always a kitchen in the back.
What did the condom say when he came out of a gay guy's asshole?
He said, "Fuck this shit!"
Why did Susie get cut from the soccer team? She has no legs!
Who broke into my house by kicking down my door? Not Susie... But she still is in my basement, since she can't run!
These murder jokes are just KILLING me!
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?
Transparent.
What did everyone say about the crazy unemployed homeless man?
He made no cents.