Worst Jokes Ever
What happens when you combine candy and dick? That creepy guy down the street!
Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday.
Friend: What were the tests about?
Me: Japan.
Why is Martin Luther King so bad at laundry?
He won't separate the whites from the colors...
What do you call an annoying emo kid? A nuisance.
A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks confused and says, "Oh really? You have a drink named 'Bob'??"
A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the father's back. Keeping calm, he tells the sons, "Well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor." He chuckled, then passed out from pain.
Q: Where do you find a quadriplegic?
A: Right where you left 'em.
A missionary was caught by cannibals. He was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, "You can't stew me. I'm a friar."
What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?
They're both "sweet home Alabama."
How do Asians name their kids?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs. (ching chong dong)
A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"
One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."
Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...
Three men walk into a bar... you would have thought the last one would have ducked.
So Paul Walker made a rap cover. It is called "Straight Out of Windshield."
Your momma is so skinny, she hula hoops with a Cheerio!
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
How did Stephen Hawking get up the stairway to heaven?
What is black and white and is dead?
My Chemical Romance.
"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"
"To the morgue."
"But I'm not dead yet!"
"But we're not there yet."
I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.