Worst Jokes Ever
Teacher: Where's your homework?
Student: At home...
Teacher: What's it doing there?
Student: Having a better time than me.
What’s the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
Why was the astronaut washing her hands?
She was getting ready to eat launch.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You follow the Fresh prints.
Is Stephen Hawking under warranty? If so, can I bring him back to Currys PC World?
What sort of file turns a one inch hole into a two inch hole?
A pedophile.
My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.
Yo mama's so old, when she was a girl, rainbows were black and white.
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."
One day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed, "You're adopted!" He said, "Yeah, I know. My REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."
What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?
She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.
Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?
Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.
I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he rest in peace.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He didn't pay his electricity bills.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand-up.
God: “Steven, join us.”
Sees the staircase to Heaven.
Steven: “Ahh, fu-”
What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person? "What's bringing you down?"
What do you call terrible milk?
Udder Bullshit.
What’s the best thing about 28 year olds?
There’s 20 of them.
Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom?
A. The guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.