Worst Jokes Ever
What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?
E.T. eventually went home!
One time I was at home alone with my dawgy, and I was eating peanut butter. I thought since it's oily, I could use it as a lotion, so I spread it all over my private part. My dawgy came over and started licking the peanut butter off my private part, and my private part got big and hard. Then, white stuff came out of my wee wee, and my dawgy started looking up at me and whining.
And then my daddy came home and saw what I was doing and shouted, "What are you doing?" And I said I was using peanut butter on my private part. Then he said, "Well, let me have a taste." And then he started doing what my dawgy was doing.
What do you call an Asian Chihuahua?
A Konichiuahua.
Tried committing suicide last night...
Never doing that shit again, I almost killed myself!
I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.
Mom: Quit making suicidal jokes!
Me: Don't worry, it will all be over soon, Mom!
Mom: ❓❓❓
I tried to high-five my emo friend, but he just left me hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
I made a website for orphans, but it doesn't have a home page.
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away. Orphan: But why? Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
Why do orphans like boomerangs? Cause they come back.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Girls are like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
If you hit an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
If you hit an orphan with a car, at least you don't have to tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.
What does an orphan call a family photo? A selfie.
Why was the orphan a big success? Cause people say go big or go home, he only had one option.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What do orphans and blind kids have in common? They can’t see their parents.
Why can't orphans hear about ancient Egypt? Because they don’t know what a mummy is.
Why are orphans bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.
The population in Ireland's capital started rapidly growing. In fact, it's Dublin!
A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.
"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.
"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."
The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"
She said, "Not everybody paid."
I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.
Hey, are you suicide? Because I want to do you!
Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church?
They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father.
I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.
He had a change of race tho when he died.
What do you tell a depressed person?
Just hang in there!
Why does Michael Jackson like spaghetti? He likes the little meatballs.
What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Are you my depression, because I’m falling for you?
What does Michael Jackson have in common with Kmart?
They're both dead...