Worst Jokes Ever
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)
Confucius say, "man who go to sleep with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."
What animal is best at hitting a baseball? -- A bat.
Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?" Father: "Ask your sister." Daughter: "I don't have a..."
Where do you find a dog with no arms or legs?
Where you left it.
What's worse than ten dead babies nailed to one tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten trees.
The Trump cocktail. Take a large glass and fill it with an ounce of everything behind the bar. Top it with whipped cream and a cherry. Now for the hard part: finding a Mexican to pay for it.
This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.
bradley
What was the last thing going through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
What do you call an old black person? Farming antique.
What do you call a depressed tree?
A wood cutter.
Holy shit there's so many yo mama jokes. Here's mine: Yo mama so skinny she used a cheerio as a hula hoop.
Yo mama so fat that she made a plane unstable and crashed it into the Twin Towers.
Yo mama so old that she has Jesus's autograph.
Yo mama so ugly that not even makeup can save her.
Yo mama so dumb that she thought Rocket League was a competition between kids in wheelchairs.
You're so skinny that you use Chapstick as deodorant.
Why do sharks never attack lawyers? -- Professional courtesy.
What part do people slit the most?
Everyone.
Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you fuck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR FUCKED NOW
Why is the Titanic good at baseball? Because it sinks it.
How do you know a cannibal picnic is over?
Everyone's eaten.
Sister: You're adopted.
Me: At least they wanted me, they must feel terribly bad cuz they had to keep you :(