Worst Jokes Ever
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little boy says, "That's my little red race car." 10 minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little girl says, "That's my little red race car garage."
So later that night the boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She says yes, and they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won't fit. Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs upstairs, flips on the lights, and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?" The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit, so I cut the back wheels off."
Chuck Norris doesn't zoom out; everything moves backwards.
What bird doesn’t need a comb?
Bald eagles.
The shovel is a ground breaking invention.
*Slaps and laughs*
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
Christopher Walken.
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?
Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.
Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.
Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby out the window?
He was airing his blanket.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you ♥️.
I'm starting a clown shoe store.
It's no small feat! :oD
The next sentence is telling the truth. The previous sentence is telling a lie.
Why wasn’t the moon hungry?
Because it was full!
What's black and screams?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
Why was the blunt pencil bad at making speeches? It never had a point.
What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
An outlaw is wanted.
Some people can juggle chainsaws. Chuck Norris can juggle people juggling chainsaws.
What animal is good at baseball?
A bat!
What's the smartest crime?
3rd degree murder.
My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
At least Africans don't have to worry about food critics.