Worst Jokes Ever
I was going to tell a joke about emos in the sea, but it’s dead in the water.
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: Seeing others happy.
Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?
Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.
Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.
Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...
Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?
Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".
What is the difference between light and hard? You can go to sleep with a light on.
Cousins make dozens.
What do you call milk that gets everything she wants?
Spoiled milk.
What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation?
A period.
Why?
Because it marks the end of a sentence.
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
A letter from his family; he hadn't seen them in years.
Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids.
A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school, and the teacher replies, "Are you that same person who took Jimmy?"
The man replies, "Yes," and the teacher says, "Take Susie too; she's being a little bitch."
Yo mama is so fat, she takes her selfies in panoramic mode.
How do you escape a French prison?
Yell angrily in German!
My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.
Me: But they're not that long.
Yo mama so ugly she made happy meals cry.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
There was a power outage.
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.
So, you wanna hear a joke about the wall?
... Actually, nah, you won't get over it.
Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?
They say he had locomotives.
What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.
Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there's only... 13 of you?" Jesus: "Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."
Why was the cow afraid?
He was a cow herd.