Worst Jokes Ever

I wasn't cut out for running today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

Q: What makes depressed kids jump?

A: Bridges.

Why do I have to go to a shooting range when I can go to school and do it for free?

When Kenney goes down on his mom, does he taste vegetable or fish?

He is looking for children. If you don't know who EDP445 is, look him up.

Be careful around EDP445.

Smile, because it confuses people. Smile, because it’s easier than explaining what is killing you inside.

I feel bad for shopping carts. They're always being pushed around.

When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm, and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.

Teacher: Where were you born?

Student: The highway.

Teacher: What do you mean?

Student: I don't know, my mom says that's where all the accidents happen.

Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."

What's the difference between my dad and the milk man? The milk man comes back with the goddamn milk.

I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Are you kidding? Feminists can’t change anything.

I am right 95 percent of the time, who cares about that other 5 percent?

I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well, it was more of a wrap.

Did you hear the joke about the butter?

What is it?

I can’t tell you, you’ll spread it.

Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩‍⚕️?

Because he had a sour stomach.

What do you call a nosy pepper?

Jalapeno.

If Iron Man and Quicksilver teamed up,

They would be alloys.

Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?

Mum: See the four birds over there?

Kid: Huh, wait a minute.

Mum: A drunk person would see eight.

Kid: Mum, but there is only two.