Worst Jokes Ever
Me: Hey dad, I'm in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal!
Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I'm dad!
Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it was pointless!
What does Sonic say when he doesn't want to get caught fucking in public?
Gotta Go Fast!
Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"
Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."
Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"
So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
To get to the other preschool.
What medicine do you take when your butt hurts?
Answer: Assprin.
My sister's pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad!
When I self-harmed one day, my mother told me that it cut her deep. We both found that very amusing.
What do you call a ghost's fart?
A spirit bomb.
How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.
What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.
What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.
Wow! That whiteboard is remarkable!
Oxygen and potassium went on a date. I heard it was OK.
My girlfriend called me a pedophile, but what does she know? She's 7.
- Mommy, what will I be when I'm grown up?
- Shut up, Sam, you've got cancer!
Jeffrey Dahmer was eating at 5 Guys before it was a restaurant.
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
What's black and white and red all over?
A massacre at a funeral.
How do you stay warm in a cold room?
You go to the corners. It's always 90 degrees.