Worst Jokes Ever
A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,
"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."
My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.
Doctor: "You're as healthy as a horse!"
Jimmy: "That's great!"
Doctor: "A horse with cancer."
What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.
How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.
How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.
What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"
The only thing I do straight is vodka.
Q. What do you call a gun that rapes someone?
A. An assault rifle.
Why can't orphans work at S.C Johnson?
Because it is a family company. 😂 😂
What do you call a grown-up orphan? Homeless.
Mr. Smith had four daughters. Each of his daughters had a brother. How many children does Mr. Smith have?
Jon said: What do you call a pregnant woman?
Mike said: I don’t know, what?
Jon said: Kinder surprise.
Once there was a girl named Sally! She had no arms or legs, was mute, deaf, and blind.
Knock knock Who’s there? Not Sally.
These three men wanted to start a band. One had the idea to call them the Rolling Stones, one wanted to call them the Veggies, the other said, "Let's be the Cripples," as they all rolled away.
Me: Your ugly...
Person: I'm not your mirror...
Me: I never told you to be my mirror :p
Why did Steven Hawking only tell one-liners?
Because he couldn't do standup.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
What's red and really bad for your teeth? A brick.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?
Reload and keep shooting.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Apaches.
Apaches who?
Apaches on your eye.
What is the difference between Bin Laden and Santa? One stops at the top of the skyscraper.
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. But why did seven eat nine? Because seven knew you had to have three squared meals a day.