Worst Jokes Ever
Parents: "OH! Honey, we were just wrestling!"
Little Johnny: "OK! I'll join you!"
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.
"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.
"Denise."
"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"
"Tom Junior."
You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.
Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.
Why is leather armor better for sneaking than steel armor?
Leather armor is made of hide.
What do you call a Chinese millionaire?
Cha ching.
There is a thin line between death and life!
You won't live to see it.....
The Cardiogram will!!
I don't have luck with other angels.
So I just WING IT!
What's the difference between a pile of babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I've ever made.
Then I realize, "My daughter isn't THAT bad..."
John Cena once insulted Chuck Norris. That's why we can't see him anymore.
Ever tried Ethiopian food? No? Neither have they.
What's the difference between a black dad and a boomerang? A boomerang comes back.
My grandpa kept warning the people on the Titanic that the boat was going to sink. Result: he got kicked out of the movie theater.
The thing I don't like about shopping centers...
When you see one, you've seen a mall.
What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!
Why can't a blonde call 911?
She can't find the 11.
Tibia honest, it takes a lot of spine to memorize all the bones in the skeletal system. I mean, there's a skele-ton of em! You gotta be boned up for the skeletal system exam, buddy chum pal. Now that was a humerus ribtickling skelepun. Besides, if ya don't know all of the bones in the skeletal system, get boned, fucking numbskull. Did those tickle your funny bone? Now I've been working down to the bone typing these puns, kid. Now if you hate all these, I won't be bothered, I got thick skin! But first, lemme take a skelfie in the skelevator playing my trom-bone. Now, I gotta go to Grillby's. They got a discount on spare-ribs. Bone-voyage, my homeslice breadslice dawg.
When deaf people see someone yawning, do they think they're screaming?
I asked a Japanese chef how to make a good bowl of ramen, he said "Let me show you."
Did you hear about the deaf man who got a ticket?
It's OK, he didn't either!