Worst Jokes Ever
Name something you practiced kissing on as a kid.
Sister. SWEET HOME ALABAMA!
I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" The man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon."
Why is Santa's sack so big?
Because he only cums once a year.
Q: What do you call a shed full of black fellas?
A: Retired Farming Machinery.
Want to hear a joke about prostitution?
Never mind, it's whoreable :)
What does your mum and Istanbul have in common?
They are all insane comebacks!!!
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter what you call him, he isn't coming.
It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" he asked.
"Yes or No," she replied.
What do you get when a cow doesn't give any more milk?
A milk dud 😂
I had problems milking my cow one morning. It was an udder failure.
Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!).
As they're approaching the Pearly Gates to be interviewed by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end.
Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven.
He says to the first nun: "Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man?"
Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says: "Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don't let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven."
St. Peter says: "Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
Sister Carmel sees what's going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently.
"Pssst - hey Bernie"!, she says.
Sister Bernadette asks: "What is it?" A little annoyed.
Sister Carmel says: "Do you mind if we swap places"?
Sister Bernadette replies: "What for"?
Sister Carmel says: "Well, I wouldn't mind gargling before you stick your ass in there!"
What do you call a retard in a house fire?
Flame Retardant.
Astronomers got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours, so they just called it a "day".
Your mama is so fat, when she went camping, the bears hid their food from her.
That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there's somebody inside.
Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they don't shoot up schools.
There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".
At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.
How do skeletons have sex?
They bone each other.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.
Some day, Canada will take over the world. -- And then we'll all be sorry.