Worst Jokes Ever
I'll never forget my brother's last words: "Why is there a revolver in your hand?"
People are making end of the world jokes, like there's no tomorrow.
Kid: Hey, what’s black and sneaky!
Social studies teacher: Harriet Tubman.
What's the difference between Jesus and the baby I have in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.
What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?
The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
Did you know the people in the twin towers were great readers?
Yeah, they went through 80 stories in seconds.
We shouldn't joke about rape, because rape is no laughing matter...
Unless you're being raped by a clown.
Apparently, describing the beautiful city of Hiroshima as "The bomb" is not okay.
How do you punish Helen Keller?
You leave the plunger in the toilet.
What do planets like to read? Comet books!
How do you cut the sea in half?
With a sea-saw.
If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered "suislide"?
Asking for a friend.
A mom gave her son "the talk". Her son replies, "Wait, so there really isn't candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied."
Knock knock. Who's there? Depression. That's my best friend.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A Doberman in a playground.
There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.
Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."
You know what me and my spine both have in common? We are both not straight.