Worst Jokes Ever
What's the hardest part when making skimmed milk?
Throwing the cow across the lake.
How do you make holy water?
You take normal water and boil the hell out of it.
God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.
Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.
God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.
Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!
God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)
Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)
God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!
God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........
God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.
Q: How come in airports, they park the planes outside?
A: They don't belong in buildings.
How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.
How do you escape a French prison?
Yell angrily in German!
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!
I made a website for orphans. It doesn't have a homepage.
Don't worry, Stephen Hawking isn't dead.
They have just got to copy and paste his memory onto a USB.
What do you call two Mexicans in a sleeping bag?
A Twix.
I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.
My friends say they don’t like my skeleton puns.
I should put a little more backbone into them.
Jeffrey Dahmer was eating at 5 Guys before it was a restaurant.
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They handed her a basketball and told her to “read this book”.
Lol making jokes about cancer makes me feel better as a person that had cancer, it’s great!
When was the first Black Friday?
1619.
What did Earth say to the other planets?
"You guys have no life!"
What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?
You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.
I wanted to see if she was anorexic, so I threw a Funyun at her to see if she'd use it as a hula hoop or inhale it.
I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"