Worst Jokes Ever
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?
They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”
Immigration jokes just cross the line.
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”
Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:
Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"
Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"
Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"
Babies can spread a nasty smell,
especially when you haven't fed them for a month.
Poor Stephen Hawking couldn't pass the "I'm not a robot" test.
3.14% of sailors are...
π-rates.
Making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car <3
A cobra once bit Chuck Norris. After hours of agonising pain... it died.
How many times can 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out.
Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?
Because they don't have balls.
I would roast you, but you don't have any meat!
What's the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass.
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.
That time when you realize that Osama bin Laden and Carrie Underwood share the same birthday...
What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?
The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.
My arms are just a different texture pack compared to my body.
Q: Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?
A: It’s always 90 degrees.