Worst Jokes Ever
Welcome to ____ pizzeria and abortion clinic where your loss is our sauce.
A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.
The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.
It's all shits and giggles till somebody giggles and shits.
So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my coworkers found gold. I said, "AU, bring that over here!"
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
What's the difference between a feminist and Kim Jong Un?
Kim Jong Un has rights.
Why does Sally have 100 sisters? She lives in an orphanage.
Q: Why did the chef get fired?
A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!
Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.
A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”
A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him, "Hey man, what the hell you doing?"
Blind guy says, "Just looking around."
Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they don't shoot up schools.
How to know if your wife is dead? Well, the sex is still trash, but the dishes really start to pile up.
If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
Euro-peein'.
What's the last thing that went through John F Kennedy's head?
A bullet.
Two fish walked into a wall. One said to the other, "Dam!"
A boy walks in on his parents having sex. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the boy screams at his father, and runs out of the room.
Soon, the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room. They both go running. They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the father screams. "It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?" says the boy.
What kind of car does Yoda drive? A Toyoda.
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
What's worse than Sally in a trash can? Sally in thirteen trash cans.
In communist Russia there is no discrimination. White, black, African, American, British and Asian. They all go to Gulag eventually.