Worst Jokes Ever
You're so damn fat that the only belt that fits you is an asteroid belt.
Husband: "I bet you can't say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."
Wife: "You have the biggest penis out of all your friends."
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Once I'm done choking you,
You will be too.
Roses are red, violets are black, I traded my son for 10 Big Macs.
How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? -- Just Juan.
The cops are still searching for my wife's killer. Luckily, I already fled the country.
Q. What do you call a Mexican Jedi?
A. a PadaJuan.
Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.
The teacher is asking you a question.
Teacher: "If your biggest dream came true, what would you be?"
Me: "Dead."
What do ambulances and gay men have in common? They both take it in the back and go whoop whoop! :D
I used to work at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I missed a few days.
What happens when a clock is hungry?
It goes back four seconds.
Why can't humans hear a dog whistle? -- Because dogs can't whistle.
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?"
To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?"
No matter how much I love cake...
I would never dessert you.
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.
They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bartender here?"
You want some dead batteries? They're free of charge.
Yo mama so stupid, she stared at a juice box because it said concentrate.
What is 6 inches long and makes women scream? Stillbirth...