Worst Jokes Ever

Why don't skeletons fight each other?

They don't have the guts.

When I ask my dad if I got adopted, he said, "Not yet, no one wants you."

A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"

The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"

[Them]: "Don't you think you'll feel ashamed of all the suicide jokes you've made when you get older?"

[Me]: "When I what?" 0-0

I was exploring a haunted mansion when I encountered a ghost named Pristiano Penaldo. He asked if I supported Burnley as he wanted to statpad against me. Luckily, I pulled out my trusty Liverpool shirt, and he disappeared. Shame on you, Penaldo.

I know I'm valuable.

I come with a barcode.

What is the difference between an orphan and a blind kid?

They both can’t see their parents. 😂😂😂😂😂

When I get suicidal, everyone worries. I don't know why because that is when I'm the happiest, thinking about death.

Q: What is the difference between Austin Matthews and a priest?

A: One looks like a pedophile and one is a pedophile.

Dark humor is like parents. Not everyone gets it.

We all know that Lincoln and Kennedy are the most open-minded presidents in the world.

You know how in Pinocchio the French puppets have the thigh rings?

Well, I got them too! Only red and thinner.

My mom tells me when I get into an argument with her that she brought me into this world and she can take me out. Sometimes I wanna tell her that I can do that for her.

I groomed 2 minors today.

A depressed guy walks into a bar and says, "Can I get shot?"

The bartender then says, "You mean, can you get a shot, right?"

The bartender then says, "Well... what drink would you like?"

The depressed guy then responds with, "No, I really want to get shot."

My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.

Until I threw a watermelon in her face.

Why can orphans never be kidnapped?

No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."

Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.

They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”

My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.

I told them, "because I’m such a noose-ance."

With numerous reports of Donald Trump's odor and Kelly Clarkson's lack of hygienic habits... proof that money doesn't buy cleanliness.