Worst Jokes Ever
What’s Bin Laden’s favorite drink? Double Manhattan.
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you're super annoying and won't shut up.
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."
Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000.
The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal was a dog.
It was a shih tzu.
What do you call an asian kid who's bad at math?
An orphan.
Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy? He died of a yeast infection.
You got a dig bick.
You read that wrong.
You read that wrong too.
Maybe you read that wrong as well.
You just went and back-checked.
You reread all of that.
You have a pet wussy.
You read that wrong...
You need mental help.
What is the longest word in the English Dictionary? "Smiles," because there is a mile between the first letter and the last.
Why are emo jokes so infamous?
They cut deep.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Depression medicine and therapy.
GO AWAY!
What can you say to make a rape victim feel better?
"It will be over soon."
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin' Catholic.
You're at your girlfriend's house for a family dinner. Your GF says, "Daddy, please pass me the salt," when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.
Your hairline shape is so badly shaped like a M, me and my friends thought it was McDonald's.
Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.
What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt-quack.
Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"
His mother replies, "The stork brings them."
Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"
If Martin Luther King were white, what would they call him?
Alive.
Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve.