Worst Jokes Ever
What did the beach say as the tide came in?
Long time, no sea.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I have been tripping all day!
What's both red, white and sometimes purple?
My arms...
Helen Keller picked up a cheese grater, it was the most violent story she'd ever read.
Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."
Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."
The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:
Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"
Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."
This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.
Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"
The mother hugs him affectionately and says:
"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
Why do emo people want to be called scene now? The only thing I've seen from them is their suicide rate climbing.
Once you go Asian, you can solve the equation.
So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.
Dirty bastards.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Suicidal people are groundbreaking.
If I were a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party, and insomnia the little annoying sibling.
One time this kid came back from school and said, "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said, "Good news please," and the boy said, "I got 100% on my math test today." and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said, "Now to the bad news, I LIED!"
Rules of Dark humor:
1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.
2. No saying "Me" or "My Life" as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.
3. Don't Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that.
I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.
- Sincerely, Zane
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with a bull? They both charge.
What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.
Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.
My wrists have a different texture pack than the rest of me.