Worst Jokes Ever
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Depression medicine and therapy.
GO AWAY!
My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
One day a boy asks his grandfather for some money, and the grandpa says, “Well, can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy replied, “No.” So the grandpa says, “Okay,” and leaves it at that and walks off.
A few years later, the boy asks his grandfather for some money again, and his grandfather once again asks, “Can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy proudly says, “Yes, it can.” To which the grandpa says, “Good, now go fuck yourself.”
What's a lesbian's favorite sport? Dodgeball.
Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt-quack.
Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"
His mother replies, "The stork brings them."
Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"
If Martin Luther King were white, what would they call him?
Alive.
Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve.
Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he Neverlands.
An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, "You look like a million pounds!" The wife divorced him.
I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."
What did MC Hammer say to Michael Jackson?
"U Can't Touch Kids."
I have many jokes about unemployed people, but sadly, none of them seemed to have worked.
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
You're so flat, you make pancakes look thiccc.
What's My Favorite Thing About My Grandpa?
His life insurance...
Why can’t Jesus be born in West Virginia?
Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.
Want my opinion on Mongolia? It has its pros and Khans.
I saw a sign the other day that said "Maximum penalty for smoking is £1,000."
But that's not right. Surely the maximum penalty for smoking is Death.