Worst Jokes Ever
I got banned from the library for putting a book about woman's rights in the fantasy section.
What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? They both want to get there before the hare does.
Being gay sounds like a pain in the ass.
If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee.
Expresso, expresso, no more depresso!
Did you know Hellen Keller has a pool?
Neither did she.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It picks cotton.
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.
Some people think "prison" is one word, but to robbers, it's a whole sentence.
Statistics show that 1 in 3 people live next to a pedophile. However, I think that's a lie because I just live next to 2 stunning 8-year-olds.
Did you know that when pigeons have sex, they die?
Really?
Well, the one I fucked did.
Never tell an orphan about a family matter; they wouldn't understand.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite song?
- They see me rolling.
I named my dog "5 miles" so when I walk him, I can say I walked 5 miles.
Random guy: I ran over 5 miles.
What do you call an Asian who can't hear?
Wha U Sai
What’s the similarity between a bag of chips and a gun?
When you pull one out in class, everybody wants to be your friend.
What do a crippled person's legs and the Twin Towers have in common? They both went down and never came back up.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
Yo mama so fat, when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes.
If a person shoots a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful, or is it murder?
30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven. God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way. The first lady, she was obsessed with her looks, so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish. The next person didn't know what to wish for, so they wished for the same thing. The guy in the very back was laughing, having a grand old time. Then God got to the person before the last. He said the same, he wished to be beautiful. When God got to the last person, he said, "I want them all to be ugly again."