Worst Jokes Ever
My girlfriend is 19 and I'm 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant, but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed.
It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary.
What do you get when you cross a clergyman and a politician?
A panhandler.
Someone asked me, "What are them scars on your arm?" I thought I was playing a violin.
What do you call an orphan's family tree? A stump.
Sorry for all the jokes, I'll end it.
Want to know why parents don't get school shooting jokes?
Because they are aimed at a younger audience.
How do parents punish their blind kids?
They re-arrange the furniture.
What’s the opposite of an exorcism?
It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning.
A depressing but satisfying victory.
Why did the United Nations stop the french government from using the guillotine in public?
because the french government was using the guillotine in public on newborn baby boys for circumcision.
What's white with black spots? A cotton field from above.
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a suicidal person?
"If at first you don’t succeed, try again and again until you succeed."
I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.
She said, "but the world is round."
I said, babe, you are my world.
Why can’t an orphan get suspended or expelled from school? Because they need to contact parents.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his dick.
The bartender asks him why.
And the pirate says:
"Argh, It's driving me nuts."
I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.
What do you call a disabled Asian?
Sum Ting Wong.
Someone asked me why I'm still here... the answer is simple: I don't want to be used as a school assembly.
People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.
So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.