Worst Jokes Ever

All my jokes are cries for help.

INCLUDING THIS ONE.

Why can't depressed people leave the maze?

Because their lives are the walls and they are too scared to meet the exit.

Kid asks, "What is dark humor?" Me *points*, "See that guy across the street..." Kid: "I can't... I'm blind." Me: "Exactly."

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."

What does your mom and a slinky have in common?

They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.

Teacher: Johnny, can you use a sentence with "definitely" in it?

Little Johnny: Do farts have lumps in them?

Teacher: Of course not, Johnny.

Little Johnny: Then I’ve definitely shat myself.

What's the best thing about abortion jokes?

They never get old.

A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down in the waiting room. When it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, "Well, I have good news and bad news." The woman says, "I'll hear the good news first please." The doctor replies, "The good news is we're naming a disease after you!"

What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight?

Alien vs Predator.

What made me laugh?

The fact that my life is a joke."

If prostitution had a tax-exempt status, and if an adult bookstore had a tax-exempt status because of a glory hole, churches would have to do something else to keep their tax-exempt status to avoid the risk of going out of business.

What's the best part about plowing your cousin?

- It makes your sister jealous.

I'm a Model. My doctor asked me to make an acronym for POST because I post pictures on Instagram.

(Trying to) P-ut O-ff Suicidal T-houghts

Wanna hear a terrible joke?

Paper

Pretty tear-able, huh?

What does a glory hole and a confessional booth have in common?

A blowjob is anonymous.

Why was I stress eating on the train track?

To wait to get hit.

What is black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a few hours. Light him on fire, he'll be warm the rest of his life.

When you lose a game of Kahoot, so you kashoot up the school.

What did Chris Brown say when he saw Rihanna?

"I'd hit that."