Worst Jokes Ever
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me when he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
Like it if you judge people's hairlines.
It's ironic that the more other people love you, the more you hate yourself.
Heterosexual sodomy is like religion. If you were forced to accept it when you were younger, you probably would not like it when you become an adult.
How are school shooting victims and school shooting jokes similar?
They never get old.
Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a female. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.
These jokes are fun for the whole family to enjoy.
What do a politician and a minister have in common?
Both of them will tell you anything to get money from you.
A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. "One more picture and I'll jump." He takes another photo and shuts the window. "I can't jump, you're not supposed to throw trash out the window."
When you realize you have depression, and depression realizes how stupid you were.
A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of lifesavers, and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor. So, the teacher gives them a hint and says, "It's what your parents call each other." [honey] But a little girl shouts and says, "OMG, they're assholes."
A cocksucker is still a cocksucker if a cocksucker only sucks for moral, religious, or health reasons, and a vegetarian who doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons can still be a cocksucker, so how can a cocksucker be a vegetarian for moral, religious, or health reasons?
Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly disappointing.
What has more brains than Kurt Cobain?
The wall behind him.
A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterward, he's sitting in the doctor's office, and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."
Hey, can't wait to meet you! So join the crippling depression family!!
How do you trick a Catholic priest into using the glory hole at an adult bookstore? Tell him it is a confessional booth.
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to see Grandma.
Mom: Shut up and keep digging.
Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.
-JFK