Worst Jokes Ever

I like strippers on me.

"I only want to play with your daughter. It was okay yesterday."

I sexually identify as kilometers per second.

Cuz I really wanna km/s (kill myself).

What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?

One stops sucking when you slap it.

Me: "Hey, are your parents home?"

Orphan: "Stop calling here!"

Me in the corner.

What do you call an Indian gravedigger?

Digdeep.

I saw some kid following me, so I told him to go back to his family.

Orphan: "What family?"

What's a plus side to being an orphan?

Every bag of chips is family size. T - T

Why was the picture in jail? Because it got framed!

(amazing pick up line) Yoo, what if we got matching tattoos? You get two towers and I get a plane, because I crashed right into your life!

"Where are my balls? Down in your mom."

Why do orphans hate Cocomelon?

Because the parents are in every episode.

I would stop bullying the orphan kid, what's he gonna do? Cry to his mommy?

Making 9/11 jokes? It's just plane wrong.

Yo mama so fat and emo, we call her the rock and roll.

Why are orphans sad?

Don't ask, or their parents may... oh wait, carry on.

I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.

Wife: "You don't even have friends!"

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent!

Why do orphans hate Christmas?

Father Christmas isn’t a thing.

I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."