Worst Jokes Ever
I like my women like my cigars: smuggled in from Cuba in a sack.
A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."
When midgets smoke weed, do they get high or do they get medium?
"White people can't jump"...
"You must not have seen the twin towers on 9/11."
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it!" she replied, "Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"
She said, "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!"
What do you call 6 gay men going to war?
Rainbow 6 Siege.
BLM British Lives Matter.
Why did the chicken go to KFC? ... To visit his family.
Why do orphans only have 363 days of the year? They don't have Mother's or Father's Day.
I heard an Uber from your eyebrows to your hairline is like $40.
Person 1: Goodness, when is Michael Jackson going to stop eating these white chocolate truffles? He is already making a goddamn mess on his bed eating a few of them.
Person 2: Well, he cannot resist the little white balls.
Looks like depression got the best of me! Don’t worry, I’m already going under.
You can laugh at how men are stupid. But remember their favorite thing.
It starts with "M" and ends with "arriage".
If you guessed "Marriage" you're stupid. It's miscarriage and don't forget it. The joke never gets old to him. Just like the baby.
What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?
A kill streak.
So, my sister is a feminist. I asked her, "Do you want to hear a rape joke?" She said no. I still decided to force one down her throat anyway.
Who's the best at musical chairs?
Stephen Hawking.
When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?
Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.
So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.