Worst Jokes Ever
A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is.
When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.”
“I still don’t get it,” responded Little Johnny.
“Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad.
“Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny, and went off to bed.
In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother shit in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad fucking his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, "OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is fucking the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!"
What is the difference between a priest and a zit?
The zit waits until you're twelve to come on your face.
A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”
Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”
7 year old Christian: *walks up to atheist menacingly* YoU nEeD sOmE jEsUs SaViNg!
Atheist: You prey to a Jewish zombie and I need saving?
Me at the Anti-Orphan Jokes convention. 💣🗡🔪🧨🔫
Yo mama so clueless, she dialed 911 on the microwave.
What is an orphan's favorite time with his family?
"Me time."
My brother wanted to sharpen my pencil. I told him he had a point.
Dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?
Kentucky Fried Children!
What's it called when you eat those same babies?
Finger Lickin' Good!
Right, I have a dog and his name is Syndrome, and whenever he is good, I go "Good Syndrome," but whenever he is naughty, I go "Down Syndrome."
What to say to a single guy who's insulting you: "Shut up, you horny virgin!"
In Israel, they don't have Walmarts; they only have Targets.
What food does a Cheetah eat?
Cheetos!
Have you ever walked into Helen Keller’s house?
She has.
When you think about it, Hitler wasn’t a bad person. He killed Hitler.
Your mom is so poor, she buys used food.
Where did the orphan go after the orphanage blew up everywhere?
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
Answer: 9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 5 seconds.
How would you multiply numbers in octoschool?
You octoply, obviously.