Worst Jokes Ever

Why did the orphan commit suicide?

So he could find home.

I cried when my dad cut up onions. Onions was a good dog.

Are you a knife? Because damn, I want you inside of me ;)

These jokes are weak like the structure of the towers.

You: "Captain, where is this plane going?"

Captain: "New York, 175 Greenwich Street."

What's the difference between my dad and cancer?

My dad didn't beat cancer.

What do EMO kids use as birth control? Their Personalities.

Ever wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?

They made the toys.

What do you call a bunch of white people running down a hill? An avalanche.

What about Mexicans you may ask? A mudslide.

What about black people running down a hill?? A jailbreak.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

"Windows 10 shutting down."

If you're going to be a smart ass, you have to be smart, or you're just an ass.

Bf: "Roses are red, violets are blue, you're my bf and I luv you."

Gf: "I luv u too."

Bf: "But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, I heard you were cheating, I'll knock off your head."

Gf: "Ah, about that..."

Where did Sarah go after the bombing?

Everywhere. 💀

A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?

It can't hit home.

Today, I dreamt about giving head to Johnny Depp.

Then I woke up and realized that I forgot to roll my windows up when passing through the New Jersey Turnpike.

A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy.

“Super Power Beer,” he says.

“Oh, yeah? I doubt it?”

Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, and lands with no damage whatsoever. He walks back into the bar.

“Amazing!” the man says. “Let me have some!” The man grabs the beer. He drinks it, jumps off the roof — and falls 15 stories to the ground.

Splat.

The barman says. “You know, you’re a real idiot when you’re drunk, Superman.”

Why are Asian's eyes always squinted?

Nukes are bright.

Did you know the Titanic swimming pool is still full?

This girl came to me and said, "I got raped in my sleep!"

I replied, "I done it as a joke."

-April 1, 2020