Worst Jokes Ever
Why are they called "breaking news" in the entire world?
Because they are breaking the whole entire news.
What do you say to a crippled man getting bullied?
"Why not you stand up for yourself?"
Why do melons always have big weddings?
Because they cantaloupe!
What is brown and sticky?
What is white and gooey?
What is long and hard?
(Tell me in the comments)
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
*Aye, Matey!*
Why can't you eat cereal?
Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!
Why do orphans hate p*rn hub?
They always see a stepdad and stepsis.
So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).
A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”
My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?
So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.
How do you make a peanut laugh? You crack it up!
What happens when an alien connects with your device?
The alien says on your device: ".-- . / - .-. .- ...- . .-.. / ..-. .-. --- -- / -- .- -. -.-- / -- .- -. -.-- / --. .- .-.. .- -..- -.-- ..."
I gave an orphan an iPhone XR because it does not have a home button.
How do bees get to school? On a school buzz.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t run home.
Women have less rights than a NASCAR track.
I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.
What's the best thing about Switzerland? The flag is a big plus.
Why are the UK and the USA bad at playing chess?
Because they lost 2 towers and their queen.
Why do Black people not like country music?
Because every time they hear "hoedown," they think their sister got shot.