Guy: Michael Jackson wasn’t in ancient times!
Me: hee hee egypt.
Worst Jokes Ever
Right, I have a dog and his name is Syndrome, and whenever he is good, I go "Good Syndrome," but whenever he is naughty, I go "Down Syndrome."
What to say to a single guy who's insulting you: "Shut up, you horny virgin!"
What food does a Cheetah eat?
Cheetos!
When you think about it, Hitler wasn’t a bad person. He killed Hitler.
Your mom is so poor, she buys used food.
Where did the orphan go after the orphanage blew up everywhere?
Have you ever walked into Helen Keller’s house?
She has.
How would you multiply numbers in octoschool?
You octoply, obviously.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
Answer: 9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 5 seconds.
There was a man who had just moved from a foreign country. He just moved into his apartment and was watching his favorite TV shows. The first one was "me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me," the second one was "forks and knives, forks and knives, all I use is forks and knives," and the last one was "BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!"
There had been a murder in the area, and the man was walking in the park when a cop showed up and asked him, "Sir, have you seen this man?" and held up a photo. The man said "me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me." The cop said, "Sir, what did you use?" and the man said "forks and knives, forks and knives, all I use is forks and knives." After that, the cop said, "Sir, I'm going to have to arrest you," and the man said "BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!" The screen goes black, and all you can here "chk-chk. BANG"
What is an astronaut's favorite letter on a keyboard?
SPACE.
What did Michael Jackson say when he became a triangle? Tetraheehee!
People see this Rolex and they kill themselves.
Motherfucker, that's a suicide watch!
Hears a clean joke: My horse got muddy, so I gave him a bubble bath.
Now hears a dirty joke: Bubbles is the horse next door.
What does a bullied kid say during a game of Kahoot?
"I'd like to Kahoot up this school."
How do you know when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
What did the helicopter say?
Helicopter: "Kobe!"
What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?
The nun gets pregNUNt.
What do you call a girl with only one leg? Eileen.
What about an Asian girl with only one leg? Irene.