Worst Jokes Ever

Why can't an orphan go on a field trip? They don't have a parent's signature.

Boobs are like batteries...

AA will get the job done...

C is bigger than AA...

D is bigger that C...

...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!

"I'm a little piss baby!" -Dream

What does an orphan call a family picture?

A selfie.

You know what I hate about rape?

Keeping it a secret.

When the school shooter asks the autistic kid which hostage he wants to rape, and he looks at you like 😋.

1. You're so dumb, you think Cheerios are donut seeds!

2. You're so fat, you could sell shade!

3. You're just like coconut water, nobody likes you!

4. Have you been shopping lately? Because they're selling lives around the corner, you should go get one!

If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence!!

Are these good?

I'm gonna stop telling rape jokes...

They just seem so forced.

My doctor told me, "Time heals wounds."

So I stabbed him.

Now we wait...

Me: Can I get your mom's number?

Friend: Here you go:

Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.

What do you call a vagina with teeth?

A vicious cunt.

Kid: Mom, what’s dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

Kid: But, Mom, I’m blind!

Mom: Exactly.

What do a priest and a McDonalds have in common?

They both slide their meat in 10 year old buns.

I met another kid with Down syndrome the other day and attempted to talk to him. But my mom showed up and was asking me why I am talking to the mirror.

Me: dozes off while driving. Everybody else on the passenger plane on September 11.

These jokes are so dark that their life matters.

Trying to make jokes in 2020-2021 be like:

Comedian: "When she went in front of the TV, it took an hour till you could see the screen again."

Audience: "Why you gotta be so offensive?"

Comedian: "I'm not tr-"

Audience: "Oh, so now you're trying to debate?"

Comedian: "I-"

Audience: "Now you're acting racist?!"

So, one day I was walking home from school with my best friend, Sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that Bob, the class rep, got her pregnant eight months ago, and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said, “Sally, it’ll be okay, I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson.” “Yeah, thanks, Suzy,” she said to me, then went into her house.

The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school, so I was like, oh, she must be in trouble with her mom. I’ll go check on her.

So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands. “Oh, hello. Is that Sally’s son?!! Can I see Sally?” Her mom says sure, and I go inside, but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone. “Here lies Sally 2004-2020.” So I ask her mom in tears, “Oh, did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied, “You could say that...”

What do you call a tall terrorist? Labomb James.

What do you call a cow without legs? Ground beef.