I called a suicide hotline in Iraq... They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Worst Jokes Ever
What is the difference between a priest and a zit?
The zit waits until you're twelve to come on your face.
A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”
Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”
Are you Jeffrey Dahmer? Because I'd love you to eat me.
Straight men change their girlfriends like they change their undies. So, about once a month.
7 year old Christian: *walks up to atheist menacingly* YoU nEeD sOmE jEsUs SaViNg!
Atheist: You prey to a Jewish zombie and I need saving?
What do you call an emo cancer kid?
Chemo.
My wife left a note on the fridge. The note read, "It's not working." I don't know what she's talking about. I opened the fridge, and it worked fine!
Yo mama so clueless, she dialed 911 on the microwave.
What do you call a dwarf in a drawer?
Gay.
Me at the Anti-Orphan Jokes convention. 💣🗡🔪🧨🔫
Why was 10 afraid? Because he was 'tween 9 and 11.
My favorite bath bomb is a toaster.
What is an orphan's favorite time with his family?
"Me time."
My brother wanted to sharpen my pencil. I told him he had a point.
Dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?
Kentucky Fried Children!
What's it called when you eat those same babies?
Finger Lickin' Good!
Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!
Guy: Michael Jackson wasn’t in ancient times!
Me: hee hee egypt.
Right, I have a dog and his name is Syndrome, and whenever he is good, I go "Good Syndrome," but whenever he is naughty, I go "Down Syndrome."