Worst Jokes Ever

In 2006 on 6/9, there was something called communication opportunity happened. On 6/9. 69. Coincidence? I think NOT.

In this modern age, I feel as though it's inappropriate to make jokes about herbs and fish.

It's not the thyme or the plaice for it.

Are multiple choice questions too easy?

A) Yes.

I was Gandalf the Grey.

But now, after just three washes...

It's tricky when you're both a moth and a sea captain in charge of a ship, but up ahead, you see a lighthouse.

Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.

Someone complimented me on my driving last week. They left a note saying, "Parking Fine!"

I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed my friend who was on LSD. "I See a Dreamer."

What does a nosy pepper do? Gets JALAPEÑO BUSINESS!

What do you call a nervous zucchini?

An edgy veggie.

Would you mind just peeing into this cup, please? It's the one the annoying receptionist uses.

Nope, should've gone to Specsavers.

Using Pi, distract that fat kid next to you and copy his answers.

My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.

Well, we started off by ripping up ALL of the decking.

Abandon ship!

A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.

And there's the referee taking down Ronaldo's number.

Not really the time or the place, but it's good to see that we've kept homophobia out of football.

And Sterling has taken a dive.

That's all for financial news, back to the football.

I am Thor.

And next year, I will be five.

You have been accused of stealing toilet rolls. How do you plead?

Guilty or not guilty?